>> The solution focus and solution oriented models of family therapy grew out of the founders initial training in strategic family therapy. But its aim was to turn strategic family therapy on its head. Both Steve de Shazer and Insoo Kim Berg moved away from the problem focused therapists as expert interventions of the strategic model to develop methods of focusing on solutions. Indeed, de Shazer often said that he didn't even need to know the problem the family was having, only what they wanted for their lives instead. Solution oriented therapy was developed by Bill O'Hanlon and Michele Weiner-Davis. They used a method of inquiry that was situated within the post-modern perspective of the client as expert. Both the solution focus and the solution oriented models are joined the work of John Walter and Jane Peller. In this video we use their focus on questions of difference to develop the multiple stories about the son and his family. This segment ends with a demonstration of scaling questions as they might be used in the solution focused model. >> Jim: So good morning. I'd like to take a few minutes and get to meet each of you and see if there's some way I might be of some service. My name is Jim. I'd be happy to have you call me that. Let's start with meeting you. >> Linda: Jim, I'm Linda. This is our son, Aaron. And I wanted us to come here today because we are spending a lot of money to send Aaron to a good college, and he has come home with failing grades, mostly failing grades, a couple of Ds, a C. But we're just wasting our money if he's going to come home with those kind of grades and I don't know what he's doing up there, but he must not be studying. >> Jim: Okay. So what I understand is that this is your son, Aaron, and that the grades he got at college came as a surprise to you. >> Linda: Oh, yeah. >> Jim: And perhaps you're feeling a bit defeated by it and maybe even a little angry. Did I get that right? >> Linda: Yes. >> Jim: Okay. Let me see who this man at the end is. >> Doug: I'm Doug. I'm Aaron's father. >> Jim: Okay. >> Doug: Yeah. >> Jim: Doug, what -- given that the circumstances that Linda just described, is there some difference now in your ideas about Aaron from before? >> Doug: I don't see it as being that big a problem. I mean I'm worried that he's unhappy about, you know, being in school. But, you know, I also recognize that maybe college isn't for everybody. I mean I didn't go to college. I don't know. I think Linda maybe thinks this is more important than maybe Aaron does. >> Linda: Well and see, I mean, there you go. You sound like it's okay with you if he ends up struggling paycheck to paycheck like we do and are undereducated like we are. >> Doug: You know, we're doing okay. We've got a home; we've got food on the table. I don't think it's that big a deal. >> Linda: Well, you know, there's just more out there and he has more potential and I just want more for him than that. >> Doug: Well, I hear you but I just don't know that that's all there is. >> Jim: It sounds to me like the two of you have a different idea about what might be good for Aaron. I'm wondering if you have some sense of what effect your two different ideas are -- is having on him. >> Linda: Well, you know, I worry about him a lot but, you know, I really don't know. I don't know what effect it's having on him. I don't know how he perceives me or I don't know how he perceives himself. I mean I really don't know. >> Jim: Okay. Is that something that you would like to know? >> Linda: Yeah. >> Doug: Yeah. >> Linda: I think I would. >> Jim: Okay. Well, Aaron, I'd be interested in knowing a little bit about what you think of this, and the conversation that your mom and dad have started with me. >> Aaron: Well, I know that I'm a disappointment to Mom. I understand why she's mad. I can definitely see why she's mad. But the thing is I don't really like being at State. I mean I don't have a lot of friends there. My roommate and I don't get along. He has a filthy mouth. He drinks all the time. He's -- we don't see eye to eye on a lot of things. And on top of that, there's just a girl that I have classes with who doesn't even know who I am but I think about her all the time. Like I say I don't know anyone there. I don't even do well with the morning classes. I can't get up before 10 o'clock. Even if I went to a class, I don't feel the professors would even care. They don't even know I exist anyway so I don't really feel comfortable there. >> Jim: Yeah. Well, it sounds to me like you feel really lost there, maybe even a little homesick. I don't know. Does that fit for you? >> Aaron: Yeah. I feel like I wish I could do it over again and have a new start, maybe come closer to home, come back to Greenville, and maybe go to technical college. I could be in a place I'm more familiar with and I'd know more people. I feel that maybe I could get back on my feet. >> Jim: All right. So if you were at home for a while and got a chance to start over at a technical college, you'd feel more grounded, be able to get going on a new start. >> Aaron: Yeah. It's not that I don't want to be at State, it's just I don't want to be there now. I mean I could stay at home; I could work with Dad; and, you know, I could maybe start again at this other school where I could make As and Bs. I mean I know people here and I thought I would be a lot more comfortable here. And I wish that you and Dad would not worry about me so damn much. >> Jim: Okay. So what you're saying I think -- you're looking at your mom and I think what you're saying is that there's a part of you that wants a little bit of what each of them wants. You may want to be at home for a while, maybe work with your dad a little bit, and go to community college. But you're not committed to being here forever. And on the other hand, you may also want to one day go to that four-year college; it's just not right now. >> Aaron: Yeah. That's pretty much it. >> Jim: I get the feeling kind of that -- you feel like if you leaned in either direction, you'd get locked in and you don't want that. But that, you also don't want to disappoint either of them. >> Aaron: Yeah. Here's the thing. I like being with Dad. I have learned a lot from him in working with him at the store, but I don't know if I want to go into the family business. I don't know if I want to be a plumber. I mean I know you're good at it. You're very good at it, but I just don't know if that's for me. And Mom, I don't know if I want to stay in Greenville the rest of my life. I mean I can relate to what you're saying. I want to get out and see the world too. But I might need to be in Greenville for a couple more years and, you know, kind of get back on my feet. I think that would be the best thing for me to come back home. You know, like I said, it's not that I don't want to go to State. I could go there later maybe. I think I need to be here now. >> Jim: Aaron, I want to thank you for having that discussion. I think it was really clear. And I can only imagine that whatever your parents maybe thinking about what you've had to say that maybe it's somewhat different than when they first started. I'm going to ask them about what they're thinking and I'm hoping you'll take this time to just kind of listen to where they're at and maybe you can see if you notice any differences about things in you as they discuss what they're hearing. Does that work for you? >> Aaron: Yeah. I can do that. >> Jim: Okay. So Linda and Doug, what thoughts do come up for you? Is there any difference that you've noticed in what Aaron is saying? >> Linda: Well, first of all, this is the most he's talked since he's been back. I mean he's been back a month. These are the -- this is the most he's talked the whole time he's been back. >> Jim: So it's important to you to hear from him. >> Linda: Oh, yeah. >> Jim: And to know what he's feeling and thinking. >> Linda: Definitely. And, you know, where I still have a worry is that he comes back here, he gets settled in. It's easy. He gets comfortable and he does whatever he does, the plumbing business, whatever he does. And then 20 years later, he looks back and he says, you know, I could have done something else and he didn't do it and that's 20 years from now. You know, and I just worry about that happening, and I think that it's just easy for him to come back. And get back and not ever go away to a, you know, some place where he'll have a better education. >> Jim: So even as you're listening to Aaron and what some of his hopes are for himself, there's a sense that a dream that you have for him is slipping away and maybe fading. >> Linda: Yeah. >> Jim: And that you're losing some hope or trust that it can work out. >> Linda: And that worries me. >> Jim: And that worries you, yeah. Is there anything in what you heard from him that gives you any hope at all? >> Linda: Well, when we first came in here today, I really didn't have much hope about it. But I can see that I might be getting some hope. >> Jim: Really? >> Linda: Yes. >> Jim: So what is the difference for you? >> Linda: Well, the difference would be that I wouldn't have to worry so much. >> Aaron: Could you please be not as mad at me about my grades? >> Linda: Well, yeah. I just -- mad about you is -- I'm not really mad. I just love you so much that I want the best for you. And I want better for you than we've had. And I know that you have the potential. You're such a good boy and you're smart. And I know there's a lot of potential for you so -- being mad at you, I just love you. >> Jim: It's important to know if you believe her or not. >> Aaron: I do. >> Jim: Yeah. Because that's very good to have that sense that whatever else is going on, your mom really does love you. I'm wondering, Doug, as you listened to Aaron, what difference came up for you in the conversation that we had? >> Doug: Well, I don't feel that much different. You know, I just think it's -- he needs to feel okay if he wants to be at home. And that I'm okay with that. [ Pause ] >> Linda: Well, see, I think that's all you heard about him being home. There was more than that that he said. I mean he said more than just being home but that's what you heard. You just heard his being at home. >> Doug: Yes. But, you know, that can be okay. >> Linda: But it's not completely okay. I mean he said himself he may want some other things and that he may want to be somewhere else. He may want to go to college, a larger college. And then that's not okay to just be at home. >> Jim: When you listen to your parents, Aaron, what comes up for you? >> Aaron: That I can't please both of them. >> Jim: Yeah. I'm wondering does that make a difference for you? Is it important that you please both of them? >> Aaron: Well, it's -- I know I can't make both of you happy. Maybe I should just concentrate on what makes me happy. >> Jim: Yeah. Tell me more about that. Do you know what would make you happy? >> Aaron: Well, Dad, I really like everything that we get to do. I like spending time outdoors with you hunting, fishing, working in the shop. I've really learned a lot from you and I think I will still learn a lot from you. I don't know about this whole Fox and Son thing but I've learned a lot and I appreciate that. The kind of thing that I'm thinking about is design, like, I like to build things like to scale like a model, and then like kind of think about how it looks in my head, like bigger than -- tell about it, you know, tell people about it. What does a building look like? What does a house look like? What does a city block look like? I don't know what that's called but people have to do it and that's kind of what I want to do. And Mom, I just want you to know that going to State may be an option for me. I might stay in Greenville a little while longer, but I just don't want you and Dad to worry so much about what I'm going to do because I don't know what I'm going to do. >> Linda: Well, I just don't want you to get so comfortable here that you're going to regret later that you didn't go ahead and push to do what I know you can do. >> Jim: You know, I hear that. What did you think of his plans? >> Linda: Well, they sound exciting. Possible. Hopeful. >> Jim: Okay. So even with your worry, there is also this sense that maybe you're hearing some plans from him that would work out okay. >> Linda: Yeah. I could get behind what he's saying. >> Jim: Okay. Now, I was looking at your dad too while you were talking and he looked to me like he relaxed a bit as he was listening to you. And I don't know what that was like for him. But I'm having the sense that both of your parents that perhaps the worry is going down a bit in them. Do you think we should check that out? >> Aaron: Yeah. >> Jim: Okay. So I'm just interested, Linda and Doug, when -- if we took worry at -- no worry at a level of zero and extreme worry at a level of 10, when you came in today what would you say your number would have been? What do you think, Linda? >> Linda: It was at a 9. >> Jim: At a 9. And what was yours at? >> Doug: Not that much. Probably a 6 or 7. >> Jim: Okay. And where would you think it is now? >> Linda: I'd say given everything he's say somewhere around a 2. >> Jim: Okay. And so it's gone down a bit for you? >> Linda: Yeah. >> Jim: And Doug? >> Doug: Same for me. >> Jim: A 2? >> Doug: A 2. >> Aaron: God, they agreed on something. >> Jim: Yeah. Well, there's always some hope. Now, Doug and Linda, what did you do that moved it from a 7 -- 6, 7, 9 whatever it was, to a 2?